So I was totally stir crazy again. It's a week till I hit cycle and I was weak; I foolishly took the only option I had open for sex again. I went out with Mr. A. again. It was exactly as bad as I predicted it could be: unsatisfying, and just a waste of time. Again no reward, not even as I made sure to steer action towards having even a chance of it happen. I am so disappointed.

I missed Mr. W. so keenly at so many times that's it's enough to convince that I shouldn't plan on ever seeing Mr. A. again and I'll have to find some way to get the message thru to him. Who knows, maybe some level of shame at his own performance will shoo him off.

No reward, he gets B O when he sweats, he kisses like a fish, no reciprication, he tastes terrible...he's fat and small in the equipment dept. to boot. What a waste of effort from me. Truly a miserable time.

After a speedy 1st round that he wasn't able to perform as requested : "Don't you like it on top?" No - because I do all the work! He failed on the second round, even though I gave him a lengthy (for him!) bj, he still couldn't come close to pleasing me, and he lost wood, muttering BS about how he was feeling choked by the condom on the second round. I didn't have any inclination to even help him again. I was so frustrated. I almost let myself cry that I missed Mr. W. at one point there...but tears would have been too much to explain.

I'm so unhappy. I'm stuck in this rut. Wanting what I can't have. I've been fantasizing about Mr. W. for awhile now; remembering how good he was with me. Wishing I had the chance to orgasm with him, I went without sex for so long that I felt I could achieve it at this point if only I had him again.