Friday, March 21, 2008

Been trolling the internet dating options again. I'm talking to people, actually passing the phone number to some of them. I made chat plans to meet some of these men knowing that the odds of them doing anything are ZERO. Stupid flake-outs: I had arranged for Wed, Thurs and Friday and they all caved. Ok, one of them may be my fault: I was passing email address info and the site may have been blocking the transmisson of the information. One of them was actually proactive enough to say it in an IM message, but still gets zero for the end result.

I talked with a few others who just question and question me...the mental sniffers. Oh they're all talk, but they never come through. Put up or shut up, I can't bear these on the fence losers!

I've been moderating the frustration with shopping. I bought new jeans, new shoes, new shirts, new bras, new socks... I'm running out of goods to consume and diverting funds that should be applied to debt.

I even picked up the stupid guardian angel jewelry for Ms. S. Her only attempt at contact was the other Sunday: left a message basically saying did I buy it yet. Fucking bitch! Why don't you try working my work schedule and go shopping with your own money if you want it so fast?! Yet I'm the chump who's spending 100 dollars on this USESLESS crap you think you need. I'm sure in a paranoid frenzy she's going to lose them anywy.

I was on the train the other day on a night time shopping trip and a feeling of sadness came over me. I missed Mr. W. and just had to fight to modulate it down. I cried much later at home as I looked at his pic: just squeezed out tears that he chooses to do this. It's deliberate and nothing I can do matters. I'm just not wanted enough.

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