Friday, September 21, 2007

"I'm too nice." That's the reason I'm given for why the person I want to see is pulling away.

I can't catch a break...

And YES, I know that's code for the infamous "He's just not into you" line of thought. I've already had that scenario done to death (Thank you very much, Mr. P.) Problem with that mole-ish modus operandi is that until the line actually spills into the relationship scene there's at least one person involved who's oblivious to the scent of blood in the water. Oh, sure there's always foreshadowing of trouble - a wrinkle in the brow over why a particular incident may have occurred. (The handshake offered versus a hug, the inattention to the things that matter to you) But then, isn't it excusable to overlook the personality flag warning(s) because you're still learning about the other person, that you don't know all their moods and behaviors?

Too forgiving, maybe. A doormat, probably.

If only I knew how to work the skill of being able to treat someone badly. How to follow through on the old wheeze of "you gotta treat someone rotten to have em stay near". As is, I start most times being nice and go straight to "I want to see you dead!" depending on how the interaction goes. No middle ground. I'd probably be too inconsistent in the application of the punishments and the rewards.

I've watched the TV reality show "COPS" a lot. The police respond to lots of domestic disputes where people of all types abuse each other; yet these shambling wrecks are still capable of being together with SOMEONE. I may not envy the total level of satisfaction in their lives, but goddamn, it makes me burn to consider the situation I'm personally in. Do I have to be in a drugged stupor to be able to have a someone to hold hands with? Consider the average, dour-faced couple you may have randomly glanced at: How did they actually first fit together? Was it their being together that made them clench up like dried figs? Packed when plump but conformed shaped to the one next to it in it's dehydrated end stage package.

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