an IM conversation with some casual chatbuddy:

me: just went on ebay to bid on some used game

friend: oh what was it

me: another way to occupy my time; indulge in some cheaper time waste, some nintendo games

friend: so u got a game console of some kind

me: mostly nintedo ds, gamecube

friend: yeah..santas bringing a xbox 360...lol cost santa alot of money too....lol

me: well so long as you've been good.

friend: lol well i hope so

friend: have you been good this year

me: too good

friend: oh well u should be well rewarded

me: sure. I'll wait for karma.

friend: lol, so what ya really hoping for

me: nothing, I don't ever expect anything

friend: oh you want for nothing..

me: no, I'm not disappointed if it doesn't come

friend: surely there must be something you would like that brightens your day

friend: hmmmm, well what ever comes your way i hope its just what you hope for

I wish that I could stop missing Mr. W. That it would stop hurting, that I would feel better already.


portion of an Advice column on NERVE:

As for what's happening right now, three days of unreturned email in a long-distance relationship doesn't indicate a future-girlfriend-caliber level of interest on her part. The "don't have the means to see you" I also don't understand. You know what I did when I wanted to see my boyfriend in high school and couldn't afford the bus? I collected cans. I shit you not. I spent two weekends hunting down sticky Pepsi containers and piss-and-cigarette-butt filled King Cobra bottles by the side of the road. Then I spent several afternoons hauling them to the bottle return so I could take public transportation that smelled like rancid buffet food to see my one and only. People who are really into other people find ways to make things happen. If she truly couldn't afford to come see you but were still mega-interested, then she'd damn sure be burning up the email, instant messenger, and phone lines. This isn't to say she doesn't like you. It could just mean she's thinking differently about the relationship. You're a nice guy, but you don't live in her area and therefore she's not going to take the whole affair too seriously. Perhaps you can start thinking about the relationship that way, as one with limited potential, and it will help cool down some of the analysis. I like this girl, I'm excited, but it's probably not going to be a thing, so I'm going to be more a lot more proactive about pursuing other options. I know that's easier said than done when you really like someone, but you'll be surprised how easy it is to transfer your depleted feelings when you meet a more responsive prospect. We can only chase after people who don't want us for so long.