Just thinking to myself that I really only wanted to give you the best that I could, Mr. W. Even at this point, I miss your company and think of things that would be nice to do for you, but I keep coming to the same dead-end path.

Perhaps, selfishly, I thought of you as something good and I wanted to keep that for myself as well.

I've noticed that I don't smile lately; a small side effect of the whole crappy affair. I'll have to take time and make up a list of things that I associate with you and find some way to re-wire my thinking so that they don't bring on the teary-eyed introspective moments as frequently.

I feel a little better lately, the grief is not as immediate or long lasting when it overcomes me. The sadness does deepen when I do hit the low point. Now I have problems with false hope trying to assert itself, more of the wishful thinking...the "what if he misses me?" feeling. Similar to the way a dog waits longingly on watchful patrol for the master to return home. Only the footstep never comes. Oops, crying again...