Tuesday, October 2, 2007

Well, it's stages of grief time.

Denial (this isn't happening to me!)
Anger (why is this happening to me?)
Bargaining (I promise I'll be a better person if...)
Depression (I don't care anymore)
Acceptance (I'm ready for whatever comes)

Seems like I have to be the one to say it's over 'cause Mr. W. is a messed up piece of work. What a load of abuse I've taken only to be forced to have to label him as just a Jerk in the end.

I probably started off in Depression anyways, but the stages can come out of order anyways. I know I was feeling a bit numb, that if I controlled the panic somehow, I could fix whatever was wrong. Mistake. I thought that lately I've been flirting with Acceptance, but that was probably a false reading: it was really more of a Bargaining thing. I know that it sucks as I get stuck in Anger - I'm just angry at everything now. All these stupid little annoyances that just trigger me to explode. Hah - yesterday my co-workers are trying to hint at me to let things go, that you can't have stuff like eating at your insides. I'm sure they're wondering what's really causing me to be all fucked up. If they only knew just how shitty things really are, but of course they're fucking clueless. ..

For example, yesterday I had to catch a bus to do an errand. I had just a 1/2 hour to pick up something at a store before it closed, and the bus didn't show up as per it's time schedule. Now, I usually just seethe at having to wait on the stupid buses, but this time I couldn't hold it in and just started cursing a blue streak on the street at all buses in in general and the MTA that runs the whole crappy system as I had to wait and wait. I was probably getting the "lookout for the crazy person" look from anyone who passed by in the time period where I was venting. Having SEVEN other buses from both bus lines pass by the intersection, all ones in the direction that I couldn't use didn't help the mood at all. As a topper of course, when the fucking bus finally shows up and is coming down the street, 20 mins into my half-hour travel time, there's a second bus right up it's ass! Thankfully, when I finally did get to the store that I needed to go to, they were locking up but let me in to make my purchase. I've shopped there before, so maybe they felt sorry for the dope with the lame excuse of "The bus was late or I'd have been here on time."

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