Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Just for the record, both Mr. Fade AND the new guy suddenly popped up out of the woodwork. I told Mr. Fade that I'd honestly tagged him as MIA and he seemed surprised by it...he told me to call him too. Sigh. I gave new guy the online benefit of the doubt and gave him another go... and don't you know it was worse than before? Sigh. Again the "oh, look at the time-gotta go feeling" and that's just not going to work for me. Goodbye, Mr. Fade, goodbye new guy...

There's always a next person, right? ... that's what other people say, but it's not how I like it. Still, I have no choice, so I went back to the start and gamely cast out again. Followed up on a new message from a new someone that wanted to give it a go...he had a preference that he wanted to just meet. I did all the preliminary setups and warning and still got a good to go. That planned out Friday afternoon, I got last minute notice to pick up the cat's ashes from the vet's office and because of that had to reroute like crazy to still keep the meeting. I called him and updated as to the delay, all the proper things one should do when one is late to anything...I even brought a small pastry box to make nice.

He changed where to meet: not good, not bad...his local bar he said, the home away from home. Met up and things were supposededly smooth; we talked, watched baseball, he had some beers, he seemed candid and ok. (in retrospect, maybe there was a case of "beer goggles at play there.) We did more... I offered my usual everything. I thought things went well; we spoke by IM the next day, and the day after that too. A second meet was even arranged to the point where I was in IM conversation with him just the afternoon before. To my utter despair, the next night I found that it was not to be. I called him after work (5:32 pm). And called him (6:47 pm). AND called him (7:25 pm). Three times over the course of the early evening and didn't get any response and absolutely nothing else since. It's a lousy case of "disappear", and though I may be left saying "I don't know why...?", of course, I sure that I really do know why. He's either "near death in hospital" or he's a jerk and I'm pretty sure it's not the "near death" answer!

I'm not poor or a golddigger. I'm not an immigrant looking for a place or a greencard. I'm a nice person and I only wanted to be nice. The disappointment's been tearing me up all day now. Too fast, I somehow even had the time to think I'd invite him to my real life as well, as he was freely giving information regarding his.

Pipedreams. Stuff and Nonsense. I'm just a fool. It passed through my head that it's a good time to cancel the account, lose the ID, tell people goodbye. All this time, the effort and I'm nowhere still. Every miss batters hope out of me until I'm crushed.

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